I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
