im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I am naked and annoyed.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
