Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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