so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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