I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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