but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
