why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
