How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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