There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My liver just had a heart attack.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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