you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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