i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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