yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
