Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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