somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So. Much. Porn.
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