That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
