Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
