she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
