Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
