My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
