You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
