Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
