im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
