I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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