My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
