And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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