Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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