i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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