Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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