I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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