it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
