you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
