Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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