she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
