there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
