No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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