His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
