So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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