She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I am available for nakedness
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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