You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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