Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
