Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
