I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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