they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
