you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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