"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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