U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
