He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
