i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
