just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
