After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
