I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
