he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just had sex on a roof
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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