yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
